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Maya's Daydreams

these last two weeks were insane and i'm still thinking about my run

I can't believe it's been so long since I posted. Normally, I would say this is more like my target posting cadence, but I did sign up for a daily posting challenge this month. I am feeling a little bit bummed that I didn't totally make it to a full 30 days. Two weeks of consistent posting is something to be proud of, and things got pretty crazy. So, it's all good. I plan to try my best to finish the month out strong.

Last week was getting my period back and preparing for a scary meeting. This week was my scary meeting. At the end of the last few days, I have prety much only had the energy to eat something and watch One Piece. I needed to take something off of my plate, and pausing on a writing challenge was the easy pick.

This post is not to beat myself up, but I do think that my feelings about consistency are changing. I was thinking about this on my run last weekend because I used to be really hard on myself about my running consistency. I would basically tell myself that my inability to get in my short training runs and speed workouts on the weekdays meant that I didn't deserve to go on beautiful long runs on weekends. It's a silly way to think about it, but it really felt that way.

I also used to spend my training blocks leading up to races doing the same thing. Afraid that I will get kicked off the course (it could still happen!) or whatever because I didn't follow my plan perfectly. I always find myself shocked when my race results come back and learnt that I finished solidly in the middleth place. I have done maybe 10? races since I started running and that has always been the case. If I look at my results objectively, I should be able to say that I am an average runner. I just feel slow because I am obsessed with Strava and I just seem unserious compared to my mutuals.

It feels so silly to be so hard on myself and not let myself enjoy a day, make myself feel like I don't deserve to be there just to find out that I'm just like everyone else! I have been really enjoying reading other people's blogs and plenty of others have taken breaks this month or had to scale back the scope of their posts. It's okay to do things not perfectly.

I am beginning to see the impact that perfectionism has had on my mental well being. I would classify myself as very high performing in my professional life, I set very high standards for myself. I am trying to relax a lot of bit in my worklife. But even in my leisure time, I still have this expectation for excellence that I really don't need.

This is my 18th silly little post and at some point this week I will go on a silly little run. I got just as much out of writing this one post this week as I will with my run, and that's enough for me. If I do anything else, it's a bonus.

All of May 2024, I will be participating in weblog posting month created by Apple Annie

For a list of other participants, go here

For a list of my topic ideas and blog/weblogpomo2024/some rules I wrote for myself, go here

Post 18/31